The Ultimate Confident Wave
If you are or were ever a student at the University of Texas, you know that driving on campus is pretty much impossible. Sure, they say you can get a "C Parking Permit" but that holds as much as weight as a Blockbuster Video card. To actually drive through campus--like past the security guard stations--you need some permit that only tenured professors can get.
Or you need to know how to do the confident wave.
When I met Frank at the end of my college career, he told me about the confident wave. We were driving through campus in his Mitsubishi Eclipse (which sported duct taped side mirrors) and he just cruised right by the security guards. "How did you do that?" I asked. "You only have a C parking permit!" He said, "I just gave them the confident wave."
The confident wave involves one motion of the hand and about a second of eye contact. And whatever you do, keep on moving.
That's what the state dinner crashers did this weekend. Everyone is speculating about how the Salahis got past the secret service. Was their confusion on the list? Did they pay someone? Did Mrs. Salahi flash a security guard?
No. These two simply utilized the confident wave. In fact, they probably invented the confident wave.
Thinking of trying to sneak into a high profile wedding? Maybe finagle your way into a VIP area of a concert? Perhaps even crash a gala like the Salahis? You're gonna need to be armed with some do's and don'ts of the confident wave:
Do use the hand you're most comfortable waving with.
Don't let your companion also wave. Choose one waver.
Do wave with one distinct motion, away from your face.
Don't return your hand back towards your face. That would be two motions. And that's too many.
Do keep your wave short and to the point.
Don't bend your fingers in an up and down, flapping motion.
Do make about one-and-a-half seconds of eye contact with the wavee.
Don't stare at the wavee or not look at the wavee at all.
Do keep moving--whether you're on foot or in your car.
Don't wait for approval.
Do smile when doing the confident wave.
Don't smile too big.
Do try to look your best when you plan on attempting the confident wave.
Don't do the confident wave if you are ugly.
The Salahis followed all these rules perfectly. Their success at crashing the state dinner is a boost to confident wavers everywhere. Yes, they got caught in the end but we can't blame the wave for that. It got them in the door...and that's all I can promise.
Mexicaning it up in the Morning
I woke up at 5:30 this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. I decided to be productive and make breakfast. My parents are visiting so I had more mouths to sample my cooking than just Frank (who always says he'd rather sleep in than have a big breakfast).
I remembered that I had some leftover hashbrowns in the freezer. I considered serving hash browns, sausage and eggs. But that's so many pans! I wondered, is there such a thing as a breakfast casserole with hash browns? I thought I had made one before but I couldn't remember how it worked.
Curious, I got out of bed and headed to the information superhighway for answers.
I found some breakfast casserole that called for sausage, eggs and hashbrowns and some other hum-drum ingredients. While this recipe was lame, it did give me a good starting point for what would eventually be known as:
Elsa's Mexi-Morning Casserole!
You see,
Mexicaning things up isn't exclusive to lunch or dinner. You can absolutely get muy creativo in la manana.
My inspiration was this cilantro I had on hand for another recipe. When I saw that I thought, "Let's Mexican this bad boy" (or something to that effect; it was early). I started pulling out all the Mexican stuff--the salsa, the peppers, the onion. Oh, if only I had had some avocado!
So I whipped up my Mexi-Morning Casserole before everyone even woke up. Here's what people are saying (and by people, I mean my parents, Frank and Leo):
"This is really good. And I'm not just saying that."
"This is delicious. I think I'll make it for my book club brunch."
"I like it! I'm gonna have seconds!"
"Belly Button."
Now, I made it with vegetarian sausage but you can certainly use any sort of sausage you like. And since it was early I forgot to add spices but it may be good with cumin or crushed red pepper too.
And with that, I give you:
Elsa’s Mexi-Morning Casserole
4 Vegetarian Sausage Patties
6 eggs
2 cups salsa
1 cup milk
1 cup shredded cheese
12 oz. hash browns, frozen
½ cup diced green peppers
¼ cup diced onions
¼ cup chopped cilantro
Salt and Pepper to taste
Preheat oven to 375. Thaw hash browns either in pan or in microwave. Heat sausage in microwave according to package instructions. Chop into small bites. Set aside. In large bowl beat eggs and milk together then add peppers, onions, cilantro, sausage and salsa. Put hash browns on the bottom of a greased 13 x 9 inch pan, pour egg mixture on top and cover with cheese. Bake for 40-45 minutes. Cool for 5 minutes before serving.
It went so fast, this was the only picture I could get!
"Historic Value"
As Frank and I drove the five + hours to Charleston, SC this weekend, we were curious if our Hotwire-booked hotel room would be nice. Sure, it was a “boutique” hotel which usually means hip and upscale. However, it could also mean old and small. Plus, we had read on their website that they had awesome suites with views of downtown as well as “historic value rooms” (with no views mentioned).
So naturally, we ended up with the historic value room. Before I complain, though, I’ll tell you its good points:
It was very clean.
It was updated.
It had a flat screen TV.
It was in a great location.
Now let me tell the downside:
It was small.
Yes, we were expecting small but we weren’t expecting smaller than Leo’s nursery, possibly smaller than my mid-sized SUV.
It had no view.
Now when I say, “it had no view” I don’t mean I’m some sort of diva who expects to see a skyline or a body of water. I would settle for an alley. No, when I say “it had no view,” I mean it had no window that we could see out of.
One window was an interior window that looked out into the hotel hallway. The other one was a tiny way-up-high window that was just there for fire codes. See?
But since I rank my priorities as clean, good location, view, I was really okay with the good old historic value room. I think it's my duty, though, to invite you to add that term to your list of hotel room euphemisms so you have it in your mind next time you're booking a trip. Now you can include "historic value" with other well-known hotel room euphemisms like “charming,” “quaint” and “basic.”
Oh, and always beware if they’re hyping up minimal amenities like “hot water!” “A/C!” "shampoo!" "hairdryer!" and “free Bible in every room!”
Come to think of it, our room didn’t come with a Bible. If only we had booked a "religious value room..."
The evolution of a germaphobe
I used to mock germaphobes: “Ha! Look at that guy who washes his hands and then uses a paper towel to open the bathroom door. What a weirdo!” I wouldn’t say I was the total
opposite of a germaphobe (because that would make me just dirty I guess). But I didn’t have germs on my radar. My theory was that since I rarely got sick, I must be doing something right. And maybe coming into contact with germs (like the ones on the bathroom door handle) were actually building up my immunity.
So I was living the germ-naive life until two things happened:
1. I had a kid.
2. I saw an episode of 20/20.
It feels like kids can get sick just by looking at a germ. And a sick kid is just miserable (for both the kid and the parent). So whenever Leo is battling something I think, “What made him sick? Was it the kids at the Y? Was it the grocery store? Was it that blade of grass he dragged in from outside? I’ll do everything in my power to prevent this from ever happening again!”
And that’s when I started going a little crazy with the Clorox wipes. I’m wiping light switches, remotes, counter tops, the high chair, all of Leo’s toys, doorknobs, the fridge handle, the trash cans…I think I might have Clorox wiped a dog who walked by.
I also got a hold of this cool hand sanitizing spray. I spray Leo’s hands and my hands. We say, “Spray, spray, rub rub.” I think we spray, spray, rub, rub about 23 times a day.
Speaking of hands, it was the 20/20 episode that got me on that band wagon. The reporter put his hands under a bacteria detector thing and his hands were gross! They had things on them that looked like fungi and algae and all sorts of other g’s.
Now I just assume my hands have all sorts of microscopic foreign matter on them. I wash them so much they’re all red and cracked.
I don’t enjoy being a germaphobe. I’m hoping I can go back to being just germ-aware after flu season is over. Then I’ll only wash my hands after using the bathroom and before I eat—not necessarily because I touched a doorknob.
But those Clorox wipes, I really like those. I don’t know if I can give those up. I might need a support group.
New Take on Totally
Thanks to my
friendtasy from
The Hills, Lo, I've got a super cool new catch phrase: "Toats McGoats."
It means, simply, "totally."
Lo rivals Liz with her clever language. Although Lo is a real faux celeb and Liz is a faux faux celeb.
So Lo was listening to Audrina ramble on about some drama with Kristin and Lo responded with "Toats."
And if that wasn't cool enough already, she added "McGoats."
I, personally, love adding "Mc" to things. For instance, I call Frank "Sweaty" and I often add "McBetty." I can't think of any other examples but I plan to do it more often.
I also have another Lo-ish term I use a lot: If I think something is ridiculous or silly I say "Sils." Like "You're sils" or "That's sils" or sometimes I just say, "sils."
I can see Lo saying that. Totally. I mean toats mcgoats.
